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IELTS Writing Task-1 (Please evaluate)

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Pritam21

New member
Jan 8, 2021
9
0
1
India
You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:

  • explain why you want to take time off work
  • give details of the amount of time you need
  • suggest how your work could be covered while you are away


  • Dear Sanjay,

    I am writing to you for informing that I am planning to attend world's largest technical conference, that is going to held in New York city in United State of America. So , I need some leaves for the same. I was planning to attend this conference from last couple of years but earlier due to visa issue I was not able to make it.

    As you know I got my USA visa last month , so I am excited to join this event as it will be my first abroad trip. Duration of this conference is three days and it will be in other country so I have to take a long flight. Besides it , I have to do a lot of shopping for winter cloths due to colder weather therefore I would need one week leave from 02nd February to 09 February.

    In my absence i will make sure that there will be no impact. I already assigned all upcoming to do tasks to my project colleague as he is part of project from since a long time. On the other hand, I also gave him required training, support team details so there will be no impact of my absence.

    I would appreciate if you can allow me to attend this conference. I am eagerly waiting for your response.

    Yours faithfully,

    Pritam Shekhawat
 

englishgeek

Member
Sep 23, 2020
198
21
18
Dear Sanjay,

I am writing to inform you for informing that I am planning to attend the world's largest technical conference, which is going to held in New York City in the United States of America. So, I need to request leave for this time. some leaves for the same. I was had been planning to attend this conference from for the last couple of years but due to visa an issue with my visa, I was not able to make it.

As you know I got my USA visa last month, so I am excited to join this event as it will be my first abroad trip abroad. The duration of this the conference is three days and it will be in another country so I have to take a long flight. Besides it, I have to do a lot of shopping for winter clothes due to colder weather since it will be winter when I am there, therefore, I would need to take one week's leave from the 2nd February to the 9th of February.

In my absence, I will make sure that there will be no limited impact. I have already assigned all upcoming to-do tasks to my project colleague as he is has been part of the project from since for a long time. On the other hand, I will also give him the required training and support team details so there will be no little impact with my absence.

I would appreciate it if you can could allow me to attend this conference. I am eagerly waiting for your response.

Yours faithfully,

Pritam Shekhawat
 

englishgeek

Member
Sep 23, 2020
198
21
18
Task achievement: I would score this highly, like 8. I think you answered all parts of the question.

Coherence and cohesion: This is perhaps a 6-7. In general, it is good but could need some improvement.

Lexical resource: I would also score this between 6-7.

Grammatical range and accuracy: I would score this 6. There are grammatical errors, but your meaning is clear.

Overall, I think you would get a score somewhere around a 6 or 7.
 

Pritam21

New member
Jan 8, 2021
9
0
1
India
Thank you so much for your feedback. I will work on these points and will again post my next task. How I can improve Coherence and cohesion?
 

englishgeek

Member
Sep 23, 2020
198
21
18
I think in your case, it is more that some of the connectors you used were incorrect or incorrectly formed, for example, you wrote "Besides it".

"On the other hand" is also incorrectly used. "On the other hand" would be used in an opinion type essay where you give different points of view.

"On one hand smart phones make it easy for people to communicate. On the other hand, they can become addictive for many people."
 

englishgeek

Member
Sep 23, 2020
198
21
18
Here is my response:

Dear Sanjay,

As we discussed yesterday, I would like to request some time off to attend a technical conference in New York City. I have wanted to attend the conference for the past three years, but had some trouble getting a visa to the US, but finally may application was accepted. I think conference would be a great experience and learning opportunity and I am sure I could make some great contacts to expand our business in the US in the future.

I plan to be away from February 2nd, 2021 to February 7th, 2021, returning to work on February 9th, 2021. The conference will be held over three days, but I would like to spend a bit of time sightseeing while I am there.

I will make sure I am up to date with all of my projects and delegate any tasks that need to be handled while I am away. I will also check my email while I am away and respond to anything urgent.

Please let me know whether you require any additional information. Thank you very much for your consideration of my request.
 
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