Please help me review my writing task 2

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Hermione granger

New member
Feb 21, 2021
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Some people think that schools should reward students with the best academic results, while others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvements.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


It is unequivocal that these days, many schools still place heavy emphasis on academic performances of students. This has led to some argue that those who have the best educational achievement should be recompensed, while others believe that the school administrators should give precedence to those showing improvement in study. In this essay, I will discuss both two views before drawing my conclusion.

On the one hand, awarding elite students can have a number of positive impacts on both the recipients and other students. For the beneficiaries, those prizes constitute a recognition for their hard work, which not only helps them to have a sense of achievement but also empower them to reach their aspiration. If those students are not rewarded, they may think that their effort is worthless and not appreciated by others, which may lead to their deteriorating academic performances in the following exams. In addition, by recompensing awards for excellent students, the school managers are able to set good examples for others to follow and such students may have a sense of admiration to the recipients, helping them to have more incentives to focus on their study.

On the other hand, it would be imprudent to ignore individuals who show progress in their study. It is palpable that just small rewards also have the power to make such students feel that they are cared and treated equally by the lecturers and there is no favoritism between them and outstanding students. Such thinking may empower them to exert themselves harder to reach higher positions or even the highest place. In addition, by showing support for students recorded to improve in study, the school administrators are able to reduce the gap between such students and those having the highest results, which help them not be despised by excellent students, creating an enjoyable study environment for all participants.

In conclusion, considering many benefits of rewarding students with the best academic results and those showing improvement, I believe that it is essential to give support to both of those students.
 
Last edited:

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
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It is unequivocal that these days, many schools still place heavy emphasis on academic performances of students. This has led to some people to argue that those who have the best educational achievement should be recompensed(1), while others believe that the school administrators should give precedence to those showing improvement in study. In this essay, I will discuss both two views before drawing my conclusion.

On the one hand, awarding elite students can have a number of positive impacts on both the recipients and other students. For the beneficiaries, those prizes constitute a recognition for their hard work, which not only helps them to have a sense of achievement but also empower them to reach their aspiration. If those students are not rewarded, they may think that their effort is worthless and not appreciated by others, which may lead to their deteriorating academic performances in the following exams. In addition, by recompensing awards for excellent students, the school managers are able to set good examples for others to follow and such students may have a sense of admiration to the recipients, helping them to have more incentives to focus on their study.

On the other hand, it would be imprudent to ignore individuals who show progress in their study. It is palpable that just small rewards also have the power to make such students feel that they are cared and treated equally by the lecturers and there is no favoritism between them and outstanding students. Such thinking may empower them to exert themselves harder to reach higher positions or even the highest place. In addition, by showing support for students recorded to improve in study, the school administrators are able to reduce the gap between such students and those having the highest results, which help them not be despised by excellent students, creating an enjoyable study environment for all participants.

In conclusion, considering many benefits of rewarding students with the best academic results and those showing improvement, I believe that it is essential to give support to both of those students.

Feedback

(1) What do you mean by recompense here? Recompense - to give something to someone as a payment or reward for their efforts or loss. Perhaps you want to say schools will give money for students who get high grades?

I think when you are talking about rewarding students, you aren't talking about giving them money as a reward.

Overall though I think you did a good job and make a good attempt to use more complex vocabulary and not an easy question to answer.