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Writing task 1 - comparing percentage of students owning a computer by education level

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jedah

New member
Dec 28, 2020
22
2
3
This bar chart illustrates and compares the percentage of students owning a computer by education level in 2002 and 2010. The levels of education mentioned are no high school diploma, high school graduate, college (incomplete), bachelor’s degree and postgraduate qualification.

Overall, computer ownership increased as the level of education increased, with the highest percentage of postgraduates owning a computer in 2002 as well as 2010, 80% and 95% respectively.

Moreover, computer ownership increased at all levels of education between 2002 and 2010 with the most significant increase being seen at college level, with 50% in 2002 and 85% in 2010.

In addition to that, the least percentage of students with no high school diploma owned a computer in both 2002 and 2010, 15% and 40% respectively. Besides that, the least significant increase in computer ownership occurred at the level of postgraduate, with 80% ownership in 2002 and 90% ownership in 2010
 

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jedah

New member
Dec 28, 2020
22
2
3
Sir could you please evaluate my first attempt at writing task 1. Thank you
 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
328
48
28
This bar chart illustrates and compares the percentage of students that owning a computer by education level in 2002 and 2010. The levels of education mentioned are 'No high school diploma', 'High school graduate', 'College (incomplete)', 'Bachelor’s degree' and 'Postgraduate qualification'.

Overall, computer ownership increased as the level of education increased, with the highest percentage of postgraduates owning a computer in 2002 as well as 2010, 80% and 95% respectively.

Moreover, computer ownership increased at all levels of education between 2002 and 2010 with the most significant increase being seen at college level, with 50% in 2002 and 85% in 2010.

In addition to that, the least percentage of students with 'No high school diploma' had the lowest percentage of computer ownership in both 2002 and 2010, at 15% and 40% respectively. Besides that, Furthermore, the least significant lowest increase in computer ownership occurred at the level of postgraduate, with 80% ownership in 2002 and 90% ownership in 2010.

Feedback

For clarity, I would suggest putting the labels of the graphs in quotes. I would also use the same case as they appear in the question.