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writing task-1 Please provide me valuable feedback

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sabita thapa

New member
Jan 10, 2021
21
1
3
The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

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The two pie charts compare the changes in the proportion of five appliances young adults used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

Overall, there was significant changes in all devices that was used for watching television, with the proportion of flat-screen TV and tablet user showed the significant increase in 2019. And the percentage of conventional TV user fell dramatically in 2019.

In 2009 only 5% young people used tablet to watch TV, which increased to around one fifth in 2019. Likewise, the number for mobile user was increased by 11% in 2019 to maintain the second highest with 26%. The percentage for conventional TV user had the highest in 2009 with 34%, but it was the less popular appliance in 2019 with 4%, which was overtaken by flat screen TV user in 2019 with 27%.

The number of young adults who used desktop and tablet as a means on watching TV was 18% and 20% respectively and declined to remain same with 12% for both appliances.
 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
261
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28
The two pie charts compare the changes in the proportion of five appliances young adults used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

Overall, there was were significant changes in all devices that was were used for watching television, with the proportion of flat-screen TV and tablet users showing the a significant increase in 2019. And Furthermore, the percentage of conventional TV users fell dramatically in 2019.

In 2009 only 5% of young people used a tablet to watch TV, which increased to around one fifth in 2019. Likewise, the number for of mobile users was increased by 11% in 2019 to maintain the second highest usage with 26%. The percentage for of conventional TV users had the highest in 2009 with 34%, but it was the less least popular appliance in 2019 with 4%, which was overtaken by flat screen TV users in 2019 with 27%.

The number of young adults who used desktop and tablet as a means on watching TV was 18% and 20% respectively and declined to remain same with 12% for both appliances (Tablet usage increased from 5 to 19% over the period, maybe you mean laptop?)

Feedback

I think you need to focus more on the main trends, rather using percentage figures.

You can combine similar devices to compare/contrast also. The change in conventional TVs to flat screens was probably more of a switch. One went up when the other went down.

Probably the most noticeable trend was more people using mobile devices to watch TV. By talking about mobile devices you can combine mobile phones and tablets.

Computing devices, such as desktop computers and laptops decreased over the period.

I think the main aim of this task is to show that you have the ability to summarize and interpret data from graphs, figures and similar to what you would need to do at university or in a job.

Imagine you are working at an electrical store, which products would you be promoting?

Or developing apps for watching video, which devices would be optimizing for?

I hope this helps. Try not to get too focused on the actual figures/numbers.