Writing task-1 Please provide me valuable feedback

Question

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mbGIthdMEYQGzdbMSnUXJkW4bP_pTJyr/view?usp=sharing

The two pie charts compare the changes in the proportion of five appliances young adults used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

Overall, there was significant changes in all devices that was used for watching television, with the proportion of flat-screen TV and tablet user showed the significant increase in 2019. And the percentage of conventional TV user fell dramatically in 2019.

In 2009 only 5% young people used tablet to watch TV, which increased to around one fifth in 2019. Likewise, the number for mobile user was increased by 11% in 2019 to maintain the second highest with 26%. The percentage for conventional TV user had the highest in 2009 with 34%, but it was the less popular appliance in 2019 with 4%, which was overtaken by flat screen TV user in 2019 with 27%.

The number of young adults who used desktop and tablet as a means on watching TV was 18% and 20% respectively and declined to remain same with 12% for both appliances.

Cristyna · Accepted Answer

Hello,
Your question is beyond the scope of this page. You may wish to book lessons with a Tutor to help you.
Regards

Leonah · Answer

Hi Daniel
Your question is beyond the scope of this “Questions and Answers” page.
For comprehensive explanations, book some lessons to benefit more. 
Tutors are happy and are there to show you how to do, but not do the work for you.
Sign up with me and ill prepare you for IELTS and assess your writing.
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Best Regards

Jennie · Answer

Hi, Daniel! You’ve got a nice start here. I can see that you’ve understood the pie charts well.

There are 2 things that I think would help you focus and show off your skills more:

- Consider different ways to organize your information. In fact, a good exercise would be to outline 2-3 different ways you could focus on comparing and contrasting the information in these charts. Keep in mind that these types of prompts usually ask you to  “select and report the main features,” so you don’t need to worry about reporting all the details. Instead, find the biggest points of comparison or contrast and focus on these. You might organize by dates, or you could organize by type of technology.
- Study the language of graphs and charts specifically. There are a few different ways you could add variety to how your report these details while still keeping them organized. As well, it’s important with this type of prompt to use precise language for comparing and contrasting. For example, you may want to study passive voice more so you can choose more precisely between verb phrases such as ‘the number of mobile users increased’ (correct) and ‘the number for mobile user was increased’ (confusing).

A Preply tutor could be your partner on this journey. In fact, I know of a great Exam topic in the Preply English curriculum that is about exactly this type of language. It would be excellent to study this topic and use it to revise your essay with the guidance of a tutor. Just search for IELTS or TOEFL tutors on Preply.com, and you will find many who can guide you.

Abhida · Answer