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Writing-task 2 Kindly review my essay and provide me feedback

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sabita thapa

New member
Jan 10, 2021
21
1
3
Nowadays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

These days, many individuals say that they are facing the problems of not getting sufficient sleep. The main problems caused by lack of sleep is health issues and the most viable solution to overcome this problem is to maintain healthy lifestyle.

The primary problem associated with deprived of sleep is physical and mental health issues. That is to say that when people unable to get an adequate amount of sleep, their mind and body cannot function well and results in exhaustion and stress. This will also lead to high blood pressure, obesity related diseases and heart diseases in the long run. For example, a research conducted by the WHO showed that more than 60% people who suffered from heart diseases reported that the only cause for their illness is because they couldn’t sleep well.

To tackle this issue, ones should change their lifestyle which leads to improvement in their physical and psychological health. This is because when they alter their daily activities such as maintaining work-life balance, doing meditation every day, reducing screen time, and consuming healthy food instead of fast food can create positive impacts in their health and wellbeing. These activities can reduce the incidence of severe health problems and leads to mental wellbeing. For instance, a survey conducted by Indian Government revealed that men and women who changed their lifestyle and adopted healthy living found to be healthier both physically and mentally because they could sleep well at the night than those who are adopting poor lifestyle.

In conclusion, although, sleep deprivation can cause severe damage to physical and psychological wellbeing, however, it can be addressed by changing routine activities.

 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
261
31
28
These days, many individuals say that they are facing the problems of not getting sufficient sleep. The main problems caused by lack of sleep is are health issues and the most viable solution to overcome this problem is to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

The primary problems associated with being deprived of sleep is are physical and mental health issues. That is to say that when people are unable to get an adequate amount of sleep, their mind and body cannot function well and which results in exhaustion and stress. This will also lead to high blood pressure, obesity related diseases and heart diseases in the long run. For example, a research conducted by the WHO showed that more than 60% people who suffered from heart diseases reported that the only cause for their illness is was because they couldn’t sleep well.

To tackle this issue, ones should change their lifestyle which leads to improvement in their physical and psychological health. This is because when they alter their daily activities such as maintaining work-life balance, doing meditation every day, reducing screen time, and consuming healthy food instead of fast food, it can create a positive impacts in on their health and wellbeing. These activities can reduce the incidence of severe health problems and leads to mental wellbeing. For instance, a survey conducted by the Indian Government revealed that men and women who changed their lifestyle and adopted healthy living were found to be healthier both physically and mentally because they could sleep well better at the night than those who are adopting make poor lifestyle choices.

In conclusion, although, sleep deprivation can cause severe damage to physical and psychological wellbeing, however, it can be addressed by changing routine activities making healthier lifestyle choices.

Feedback

Good job well done. Good range of vocabulary and sentence examples. You had a good range of examples in your essay.

Can I ask how you come up with the survey information?

I would score it between 7 and 7.5
 

sabita thapa

New member
Jan 10, 2021
21
1
3
These days, many individuals say that they are facing the problems of not getting sufficient sleep. The main problems caused by lack of sleep is are health issues and the most viable solution to overcome this problem is to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

The primary problems associated with being deprived of sleep is are physical and mental health issues. That is to say that when people are unable to get an adequate amount of sleep, their mind and body cannot function well and which results in exhaustion and stress. This will also lead to high blood pressure, obesity related diseases and heart diseases in the long run. For example, a research conducted by the WHO showed that more than 60% people who suffered from heart diseases reported that the only cause for their illness is was because they couldn’t sleep well.

To tackle this issue, ones should change their lifestyle which leads to improvement in their physical and psychological health. This is because when they alter their daily activities such as maintaining work-life balance, doing meditation every day, reducing screen time, and consuming healthy food instead of fast food, it can create a positive impacts in on their health and wellbeing. These activities can reduce the incidence of severe health problems and leads to mental wellbeing. For instance, a survey conducted by the Indian Government revealed that men and women who changed their lifestyle and adopted healthy living were found to be healthier both physically and mentally because they could sleep well better at the night than those who are adopting make poor lifestyle choices.

In conclusion, although, sleep deprivation can cause severe damage to physical and psychological wellbeing, however, it can be addressed by changing routine activities making healthier lifestyle choices.

Feedback

Good job well done. Good range of vocabulary and sentence examples. You had a good range of examples in your essay.

Can I ask how you come up with the survey information?

I would score it between 7 and 7.5
Thank you for you valuable feedback.
I just read some articles and other”s example and tried to develop survey information myself although they are not the real one.
Does this effect on my score?
 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
261
31
28
No, I don't think so. I would just wonder how you can do this an exam. Obviously you can't quote exact figures in an exam situation.

If you remember some information that you read or saw on TV, I would say, "In an article I read recently ...." Something like that.